This week I had what would be called, in running terms, a ‘cut-back’ week.
‘Cut back’ is one of those running terms that signifies that you are in the club and take your running very, very seriously.
So I can’t really keep a straight face about it. I had planned a 20 miler for this morning and next week’s long run would also be a 20 miler. I prepared meticulously by abstaining from the grape juice last night, I stocked up on long run junk food, fished my washed running gear from wash basket and set the alarm for 07:00hrs.
Then I just rolled over in the bed, cuddled into my nearest and dearest and said – shag it (the run).
So, as I munched on the porridge this morning I thought: I know, I’ll call it a cut back week.
But then, as the day went on, it all became clear to me. I wasn’t the bed, it wasn’t the soft and warm wife, it wasn’t my early morning dream of becoming a male fluffer in the porn industry or even Saturday’s work of being a lone father to 3 kids and chief gardener to my mother.
No, it was none of these.
It was the milk crates.
Now, if you are one of those people who thinks milk crates are for carrying pint bottles of milk then you might want to click close or report blog or whatever it is you click when you can’t make sense of this sort of thing.
Similarly, if you think running is about getting fit as opposed to adventures in outdoor defecation then you won’t understand what milk crates are for either.
The arrival of milk crates into my life is indicative of the Venn diagram of the recession and my terminal decline into middle age are overlapping circle-on-circle.
If you cast your mind back to your formative years there were times when you longed for an action man/bicycle/beer/car/money/sexual prowess (some I still long for!)
Well, for all my outward appearance of contentment and marital bliss I have been, until yesterday, an empty shell. Trying, year after year, to find a reason through running.
Now I have milk crates!
Milk crates can be used as:
a step ladder,
a beer store,
a bed-side locker,
a picnic table,
or a stand for your trailer.
Next to a dog they are a man’s best friend.
In life, there are people you’d share your porn stash with and there are those you wouldn’t. And so it is with your milk crates.