Despicable Me

The Running:

Going well. A sweaty 20 miler last Sunday with a total fluid loss of 3.150kgs (7lbs) but after a few glasses of water and some tea I was right as rain. The joints were a bit sore but after 24 hours it was all fine.  I had a nice cold 12 miler on Tuesday in sunny, but autumnal, Gothenburg.

I’ve had a busy week with not one but two cancelled flights on the way to and from Sweden and had two evenings on my tod in Heathrow – pints for one in a hotel – the less glamorous side of work travel.

Still, the reason for the post title is to do with the conflict between my dirty mind and the real world. No, I didn’t get caught sniffing ladies bicycle seats in Sweden but I did realise that I might have to reassess my assumptions about them all craving a naked sauna and a spanking with birch twigs.

for the following story I need you to relax, close your eyes  and imagine the mind of a man who gets less sex that he would like (most men should be in the zone for that one almost immediately). The rest of this story should now make sense:

I had been delayed on Monday morning by fog in Cork airport. This had meant that the 6 hours of travel to Sweden had turned into a 24 hour nightmare including a bus transfer to Dublin airport with a bunch of pensioners on their way to Tenerife who wanted to have sing-songs for 4 hours, a mad dash through Dublin Airport to the boarding gate, an over night in Heathrow and a morning flight to Gothenburg.

I then had to sit through two days of work meetings  looking interested, nodding in an intelligent manner and occasionally interjecting with some comments showing that I was alive.

At lunch on the first day of the meetings I took the opportunity to check into my hotel room (I’d booked into the hotel the meetings were on in) and drop my bag up. At check-in the nice Swedish lady had, while smiling at me, told me that the movies that were listed as costing €15 each on the TV were free to me as  I was a business traveller.

The Monty Python sketch Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink, say no more lingered in my mind.

On I went through the rest of the day, my mind drifting to that special time, late at night where I dreamed of a nice meal, a stroll home and then, with the lights dimmed, taking advantage of myself.

The meeting finished up, I hit the road for a 12 miler that probably marks the apex of my fitness and recovery from my total collapse in June and then, after a quick shower I headed for a meal with some colleagues from places more exotic than Cork.

After all the goodbyes and see you tomorrows I got back to my room. I kicked off my shoes and loosened my shirt. I smiled at the exotic Swedish looking TV.

I looked all nonchalant and disinterested as I flicked through CNN and BBC World and then, like a little boy stumbling across a porn mag in a hedge I found the button on the remote that accessed the movies section.

Free to me as I was a Business Traveller.

They were all kids movies and Bruce Willis action adventures.

At that stage of the night I’d have taken a Damart Catalogue style movie.

No joy.

Despicable Me.





2 responses to “Despicable Me

  1. I’m having a bad bad day 😉

  2. Honestly every time I read about a 20 miler it makes me want to sign up for the full distance a little bit more!

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